Just watch the movie

Somebody recommended this to me once - an old friend no longer here, who said: "when times are bad, just step outside of yourself and watch everything as if it were a movie".

It didn't make much sense, but over time, I found occasion to try the tactic, and the more I used it the more sense it made.

See, I get paralyzed when I get into situations that overwhelm me, such as when I make a big mistake, or when someone is screaming at me, or when I have performance anxiety for speeches and presentations. I get really scared at financial worries and family sickness, and I become furious at negative behavior in others that makes no sense.

So the first time that I had to get through a really uncomfortable situation at work, where my manager didn't have the cojones to let someone go, and made me do it, I simply had the conversation and watched myself do it as if I was standing next to me - does that make sense?
Well, it worked. I handled the defensiveness and anger from the person being fired, I observed my anxiety, and noted that it didn't affect my functioning, and I felt oddly calm once it was all over, with no "gee, I wish I had said that or not said that" reactions.

Over time I have gotten very good at this, and it has sustained me through some very difficult times, indeed. Deaths, fights, accidents, accusations, public performances, and school. (Oh, God, school - I have to do another blog entry about that).

Recently I read Spencer Johnson's "Who moved my cheese", and to my delight, I came across a page where the main character in a difficult situation, asked himself: "What would I do if I wasn't afraid?"

Exactly, I thought. When I switch to movie-watching mode, I am not afraid. It's like going to a horror movie because we want the thrill but also to be safe at the same time.

So now I apply that question as well: "What would I do in this situation, if I wasn't afraid?". Then I go to movie watching because it helps me to remain unafraid. Then I get my own answer to the question.

This practice has helped me at work, at home, at school, and just pretty much everywhere.

Some may call it a crutch. I believe in crutches. I think we all need as much help as we can get to muddle our way through life. The nice thing about crutches is that they do not inhibit the joys of success. I have found that even in celebrations, movie watching mode can help me appreciate the magnitude of blessings, achievements, shared joys, and friendship.

My friend who turned me on to this way of thinking and acting has since passed away, and I don't think I had "got it" before then - so Buddy, if you can hear this "Thank you".

Life around me has turned a bit tough recently, and that in turn has gotten me using this technique a bit more than usual. It still works like a charm, and thus, merits entry in this blog!

Lights!

Camera!

Action!